Where the Soul Resonates

Last year we moved to the other side of the city. Just one hour away put a bridge between the area that I grew up in and felt so comfortable with and the new part of town that I didn’t really resonate with but did find the best people that the small town offered. All in all though, it was not a place that helped me grow and thrive. It was a place that offered me independence from family and friends and an opportunity to begin a life without depending on anyone else but the people that lived inside my own home. It was a learning experience and a necessary one for what was ahead.

Also during the past year, I was under contract for my upcoming book titled Healing Ourselves Whole that will release in May of 2021. I dove into the writing and applied all of the wisdom to myself. I want to share here a few bits and pieces of the book because it talks so much about creating a healthy and nourishing environment necessary for our healing and growth. While I was writing these things, I felt very compressed in my ability to grow and be accepted fully for who I was in the current environment that I was in. I dreamed of living someplace that resonated within my soul and knew at the time that where I was did not fit that bill. I felt caged and trying desperately to find peace no matter the location. Reading all of it now, it feels so different. I realize I have only been in Malta a few days, and I have not actually left my house, but the freedom that I feel here is something totally different. I feel such a sense of peace and a sense of calm and of inspiration. I do not feel caged here even in a hard lockdown. I can feel my body changing and the vibration of my own being coming alive in a way that I have not been privy to before now. The timing is right for this new venture. I have done so much work inside myself to prepare for such a huge transition and for it to be a positive one for myself and my family. I did the work that I lay out for others to apply in this next book and I can feel the benefits of it.

This part comes from the Introduction of the book. I think it is fitting.

You Are Not Tethered
Have you ever passed by the houses that don’t treat their animals with the love and care that those that treat their pets like family do? Have you driven by the dog that lives outside on the chain all their lives? Whether it’s raining or sleeting or snowing or storming that poor dog is stuck outside. (It breaks me every time). Or that live in those tiny little cages with their one little dog house? Every day looks like the same thing. All they wait for is breakfast or dinner and finally only death to come and take them away. What a horrible way to live. I wish I could free them all and teach their owners how to treat animals. (Or if I’m being honest, I wish I could save them all and throw their owners in jail).

Do they have any idea that life could be so different for them if they lived in a different setting with different people? Do they know that other dogs sleep in the bed with their owners and get to eat two meals a day and get bones and treats and belly rubs? Do they know what life is like with love and affection? Do they have any idea that with the right support system and love they could become therapy dogs, rescue workers, sniff out cancer, save lives or be the greatest lap dog that ever was? If they were given the chance would they run away even if they could? Do you know this about yourself, too? You can truly become anything you strongly desire and show up for again and again, but first you have to be open and willing to change the scene.

Here is another little part that comes right after this paragraph in the book:

The Story of Belle
Everyone in animal rescue has that one animal that got them into it. For me, it was Belle. Belle lived outside her whole life. Every day I took a walk with my dogs and our baby stroller. I always saw Belle laying on her back steps. I wondered all the time if she ever got to go inside. It turns out the answer to that question was no. Not ever. She lived day in and day out outside and ate rocks as her source of entertainment. One day her owner took off and moved away and left her behind. I was afraid of that dog. She was a bully breed and her bark was ferocious. She barked at us every time we walked by. She seemed so aggressive. I still really wanted to get her someplace safe. Her neighbors of course wanted to have her put down. I enlisted a more compassionate neighbor to help me and we decided to split the vet bills and take her in to get checked. When we opened her gate and we came in to see her, she let us love all over her. It turned out; she wasn’t aggressive in the least! When we tried to get her to leave her yard, she would not go. Putting a leash on her and pulling her out of the fence was nearly impossible. Getting her to leave the parameters of the only life she’d ever known? Not possible. We could not get her in the car. She would lie down and refuse to move. The neighbor and I went home extremely disappointed that we couldn’t get her to come with us.

But then a friend who I knew very impersonally at the time, from Facebook no less, sent me a message and offered to come with me and pick up the dog and get her to the vet. I accepted her offer gladly. That next day she went up to the dog with no trepidation and scooped the dog right up in her arms and placed her into her van. While we waited at the vet’s office for the results of her tests, my friend looked at me squarely in the eye and said “I’m not taking her back there. I am hoping to set off a chain of events that leads to this dog getting the life that she deserves and we are never taking her back to that place ever again.” She put everything into motion that she intended to do from that first day with her. That dog ended up living in her ‘groom room’ (she is a professional dog groomer) for a much longer time than she would have anticipated. She had to help the dog feel safe and know love before she was ready to get out on her own with new people. We all need that down time to heal sometimes and learn there are better ways at living life. Finally, she found the perfect family. That dog lived the rest of her days knowing the most incredible love. She went to the park every single day for a walk. She had two parents who were retired and were with her all day long. This dog, our sweet Belle, changed all of our lives forever.

I offer that story because that is the same plan of single pointed focus that I have in mind for each of you. I hope through this work that we too will set off a chain of reactions that will allow you to realize that unlike a dog that lives on a chain, you have free will and the full ability to change the yard you are currently living in. It doesn’t mean you have to move, of course, but it does mean that you can unhook the tether and change your life, which will result in changes of your scenery. Like Belle, who was afraid to leave the only yard she’d ever known, we will likely run into that same feeling as we are faced with letting go of tragedy and pains that have implanted themselves into our bodies for so long that it can be incredibly difficult to feel ok without them. Together, we can set off the chain of events and reactions that creates a version of self in which you will never go back to that other place ever again once you learn how to remove and replace in our own gardens. When we go down deep within ourselves and face our shadow sides and learn how to live from a space of balance, recovery and peace, our whole lives will begin to shift and align beyond what you can currently imagine is possible. If you are feeling anything like the dog I discussed above, know that where you are today is absolutely no reflection on where you could possibly end up.

You Have Everything It Takes
Let me be clear: you are not too old, it is not too late, you did not miss your chance, and wildly exciting opportunities at life are absolutely possible and available for you. You can do great things even when you think you can’t. It simply becomes a matter of: how much do you want it. It’s the rule of three for life evaluation that one of my greatest spiritual teachers used to ask me: 1) Who are you? 2) What do you want? And 3) What are you willing to do to get it? Once those are defined, the path becomes lit. These three questions put on repeat throughout your life will help in enormous ways to keep you focused and on track to who and where you really want to be.

This part comes later in the book, but I also find it especially fitting.

Astrocartography
Have you ever heard of the term astrocartography? It’s a grid design based on your birth chart of where your soul is highest and lowest according to the geographical location that you live. {22} Whether you can subscribe to that doctrine or not, everyone can conceptualize where their happy place is. Where they feel totally connected to their own soul. It’s a place that makes us feel like the very best version of ourselves. This place exists both internally within you when you have done the work required to attain true liberation and peace and also it lives out in the world where you feel yourself come alive. I’ve come to realize that the environment might not change who you are, but your environment can possibly help you to facilitate your own change into who you are becoming.

There once was a time in my life where all that I was responsible for was myself and my one dog. If I didn’t like something, I could literally up and move out of it. You don’t like something? Then leave! We see it all the time things like “You don’t like it, then move. You’re not a tree!” Or we see both the single people and even families all over social media that up and left their jobs and travel the world and make money posting pictures and doing video montages of their incredible life of freedom and joy. That is the new Instagram life! I will not knock it. I think it’s wonderful that social media can now offer an entirely new existence. If you feel called to do that then I say by all means go for it all the way! You still have to do your internal work though to find your truth, balance, healing and recovery to be able to fully enjoy that new life. You can take this book with you anywhere and listen to the meditations and fill in the journals and help yourself to internal freedom from pain and extra emotional weight (this in no way refers to actual body weight even though there can be a link between the two). I am totally on your team for this! Just be sure that the life you are creating is authentic and not suited up for social media. Social media is the way of the future, but it’s not necessarily real life. You are being tasked with the action of doing real life work and only you can be the one to decide what that looks like and where it resides.

Becoming real is liberating and I want that for you. I know all too well what it’s like to live life under the guise that we’ve got it all figured out. The figuring out part actually comes along the road when you finally own up to the fact that you have not, in fact, gotten any of it figured out. It’s in the truth and honesty and the vulnerability of not pretending that we finally get to become what we might have always wanted to be. Please don’t get tangled up in seeing other people’s highlights on social media platforms and thinking that’s what their daily life looks like. Notice how much you gravitate toward the ones that are raw and honest and real with people. If you aspire to become anything, look to being one of those who has cleaned house, done the work, learned to work from the inside, let the skeletons loose and owned up to the part they play as the lead role of their life. That doesn’t come with a location, it comes from inside. That is our goal with this work.

If you are not able to up and leave your current location or even away from some of those who have contributed to your pain, then we have a different conversation to have. Some people are care givers and can’t leave. Others are parents to special needs children or any children and changing up their sensory systems can be way too much to put on them. If your family has friends and a life that they love it’s almost impossible to disrupt that, even if you are not happy yourself being there. Some are addicts and can’t make big decisions until they change everything within themselves to heal and thrive. Others are living in a place that they don’t resonate with because of a myriad of reasons, financial, family, health and so on but can’t change that reality in this moment. Everything in life has an ebb and a flow and what life looks like outside your windows is not what it will look like in a year or two or five. The location can change, and if you do it right, that location change can be glorious. It can also be a disaster. I left to live with a friend in another state once to help get over a terrible break up. When I got there, it was a couple of days of bliss with my best friend and then the rest of the time I lived there, I barely ever saw her. She worked all day and stayed with her boyfriend (now husband) every night. I moved to be close to someone who all but moved out after my arrival. It was lonely, and miserable and I ended up back home within just a short amount of time. One friend referred to it as ‘my vacation with all my stuff.’ Changing physical environments without doing any of the internal work did nothing but backfire on any of my plans.

Then you have many spiritual practices that believe that inner peace offers you sustainability and happiness no matter what the outside looks like. I understand and appreciate the concept, but let’s put it in a different context. If you are peaceful but living in a war zone with people being literally slaughtered around you, how do you justify your inner peace? Are you helping anyone or just sitting on your meditation pillow all Zen like? Is that healing? Your environment matters greatly. Creating the calmest, healthiest and most positive world for yourself both inside and outside your door is the best way to get through your processing time and into the release.

End of book excerpts. This is the unedited version of what will likely end up on the final copy. I can see through that writing that I was talking to myself about being somewhere that I did not feel especially happy. It all felt very conditional living even more south. As long as I kept being a good church going girl, people will like me. As long as I stay a little bit more quiet about who I am and what I’m about, it will be just fine. Don’t tell people that you believe in more than any one single religion or belief system. Don’t tell people your pursuit of spirituality and finding answers beyond any doctrine has been a driving force for you for more than twenty years. Do not rock the boat. Put all of your effort and focus into your children and keep your head down. Cover up your tattoos. Wear long skirts. Look the part you are trying to play.

Everyone judges everyone, myself included. We all do it. I felt especially judged in the deeper south because the only interest anyone had was in what church I attended. Nothing else seemed to matter and making friends felt as if it was solely based on that decision. I can’t say I am not afraid it will be similar here in Malta where religion reigns supreme, but the way they go about it seems much less rigid. In Europe in general, the attitude is much more accepting and lax in their approach. I need more of that in my life. I feel like I was writing this last book in many ways to help myself heal and to give myself hope that where I was at during that phase of life was not where I would remain. I too was not tethered.

I learned to fall in love with the families that I met at the girls school. I also learned to stay in their lane of church and beliefs because that was what I signed up for and I made the most of it. I was lucky to meet the people I met and I miss those families very much. My children especially miss those friends. They gave me a better context of religious families and what we could be for each other. They helped shake some of my tightly held beliefs that super religious people are among the most judgmental. Don’t get me wrong, I still saw a ton of really serious judgement around anyone who was not in keeping with their strict belief system, but I learned how to better navigate through the weeds to find people that were loving and kind no matter what anyone else did.

Last year was pivotal in creating my ability to make it work this far away from friends and family. I accept that and honor it. I look forward to using what I have learned to help us acclimate well into our new life. I will keep posting my pictures and sharing the experiences and though I really try to highlight the incredible nature of which I am sharing from, I will also try to be transparent and honest about some of the harder parts of the move. Right now I am on a super high wave of excitement because the beauty that surrounds where I am living is stunning and a little bit insane. I also deserve this high wave because since May I feel like I have done nothing but push and push to get everything done- the passports, the pet transports, the vetting and having to redo vaccinating my pets due to sheer negligence by the original vet we started with. Turning my cat into an actual emotional support animal so she could make the flight; none of those were easy or without sincere stress. I am riding this wave of decompressing while I stare out at the sea because life ebs and flows just like I said in the excerpt above. While the tide is high, I will remain up there and enjoy the view.

2 Thoughts to “Where the Soul Resonates”

  1. Jan Marcussen

    Enjoy your honeymoon stage in Malta – you deserve it! There is no perfect place because there are no perfect people. There certainly are places where one is more comfortable or more at peace and I hope Malta will be that place for you so that even after you discover some imperfections there, the general goodness will overshadow any minor irritations.

    1. You could not have said it any better than this! Thank you!

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