Still No Passport But I’ve Enlisted My State Representatives Office
July 12, 2020
We are officially at my moms house and we close on our old house tomorrow. Time is flying and my passport is still stuck in New Orleans (at least I got one passport person to give me that much). The girls papers have arrived. Theirs were sent to a different state office. I have now enlisted my local state representative to try to help me get my passport in time to move with Scott and the pets. The whole ordeal with the animals has been so stressful. Because the last vet we went to did us so dirty, we drove the hour and half to our old vet and we started over from scratch. Two of four animals were re-microchipped with 15 digit numbers that are international (their other chips were 9 digits). They also all had to get the rabies vaccines again because the other vet did not verify their chip numbers before vaccinating them with the three year vaccines. It has been tragic and I pray that this all works out and our animals arrive alive and well. Our old vet has been a rock star. We are so thankful for him. We have two more appointments set up in order to follow all of the international rules. But the shots and chips parts are over and settled.
I am afraid. I am afraid all the time and of everything. I am terrified of this pandemic and the fact that only maybe half of the people practice social distancing or wearing a mask. There are not only teens but 20 and 30 year olds having Covid parties to see who gets infected. Needless to say, people are dying out of those parties and it’s all but their dying last words “I thought it was a hoax.” The borders are closed to our country because of how callus we have been through this and how many people we have lost and continue to lose. I am now living in an actual hot spot in this state of Covid. It is scary.
My moms dear friends and neighbors are dealing with cancer right now. Being in the hospital is so dangerous and now the caregivers can not be with them because of the pandemic. I look at their house and think to myself “they were always the healthy ones. Walking every day, bike riding, boating, retired and living well.” Now one of the pair is fighting for his life. I realize that their family, like so many others right now, are being dealt really hard blows. It’s super low points in the story of their lives and it could just as easily be us. Every time I drive the hour plus from our old house to my moms house and some maniac on the rode does something wild and dangerous I fear that we won’t make it to the departure time of getting out of the country. I realize that villains come into life, people we have never met that could at any moment in time, change the entire story of our lives. Anything can happen. Anything can go wrong. I am feeling all of it. I am feeling the fear.
I’m supposed to be marketing and promoting my new book and I feel completely helpless. The numbers are so low and it feels like no one cares what I have to say. And I did not get nearly enough of a book advance to pay anyone to change that. I’m doing all that I can, but I have so few connections and I feel so empty at this point. I feel like I have almost nothing left to give. I say yes to every opportunity but still it feels so futile. Maybe healing books aren’t really my forte even though I’ve spent more than half of my entire life studying it. I’m writing here and it is fun because I am finally doing something scary, daring, exciting and liberating and I don’t really care who joins me on this journey. I’m just so excited to do it.
Without the pressure of word count, editors, publishers, numbers of sales it feels so different to offer this up to take you with me as I make the most significant move of my entire life. Everything right now is in increments. I can only focus on closing the house tomorrow. Two days ago, I could only focus on the packers arriving and packing every single thing in that house even if it was something I meant to take to my moms or discard. It’s all packed and on its way to Malta. Today was the first rest day we’ve had in weeks.
Next, I can only focus on getting my passport. I call the agency every single day. Now I’ve started banging down the state reps office. They sent the letter off last week. Honestly, if I did chase after selling and marketing my book with the level of tenacity that I have gone after this passport, I might be selling hot and high. I have two weeks left to get my papers or me and my girls will have to travel alone across the world. I can’t even begin to imagine doing that. And so I live right now in complete one point focus of getting it together and going.
I host a weekly radio show and I love it. It’s called All About Healing on HealthyLife.Net Last week was the first time I asked for a rerun to air so I could focus on packing and moving. I have such little drive right now for it because my focus is solely on getting the papers in order and getting us all on a plane together. It’s the only thing I want to talk about or focus on. This week I am supposed to get my meditation edits back for my next book set to release in May 2021. I have to get over to the producers place and record all of the audio before I leave the country. It’s all just so much to have to throw into these next weeks. I will be deflated and devastated if I have to travel with my girls alone through Italy with a 7 hour layover and then into Malta. I seriously can’t get my mind around that whole concept. I’m going to be bringing a carry on bag for each of us, two car booster seats, three giant bags and keep my children right by my side and away from creepers? That is beyond my comprehension. Especially if they don’t speak English and we are stuck trying to figure all of this out on our own. Me, who hates to fly and my children who have never flown. I wish I could teleport us all over there safely. The pets, the kids, us. I have to assume that everyone will survive the traveling, but the truth is, I really just don’t know. I won’t get to see my pets until they arrive at our new house over there. What torture they will feel not having any idea what is happening. The loud noise of the plane, the kennels they will be in for hours upon hours. Not knowing where we are or where they are going. At least with my children I can hold their hands, tell them we will all be alright, hold them in my arms and kiss their sweet cheeks. I will put on the bravest face I’ve ever had and calm them and comfort them through the travel. I will pretend that it is all fun and exciting. At least, I will try to. I am at the point where I can’t really embrace the destination because there is so much to do before we get to experience it. It’s still all a dream that is now in high speed motion and I have no bearing on how it will all play out. They are closing the passport stations back up due to the increase in the pandemic. They never opened up fully to begin with.
People keep saying “if you don’t like my America, there is the door.” Now I know that the door out is incredibly difficult to open and walk through and we are being treated extremely well with respect to getting to a new country and the opportunities that awaits. I respect every immigrant more than ever before in their commitment to getting into this country. It is not easy to decide to leave the country you are a citizen of. It is especially difficult during a world pandemic of epic proportions. Everything is an opportunity to think about all the things that could go wrong and I’m doing my damndest to act out what could go right. I know the importance of positive thinking and manifesting mindsets, believe me, I do. But right now, it’s really a battle of this is how it will happen verses, I am not in charge at all and when it comes to our government offices, I cannot put my faith into it. Our local world is in complete and utter chaos. The leaders are not effective leaders and the opposition between the media and the politics are costing every one of us. The worst is coming out in people and I just want to go and start new in a new place with new people and different news sources and people who value the lives of their neighbors and have more respect and less entitlement and selfish behaviors. I look forward to experiencing a different culture and embrace my new life.
I just can’t yet imagine it as a truth because today, it is still a little bit of an arms reach away. No one knows what to do with their children coming into the school year and now I’m really getting nervous for my mother to return to preschool and my sister to return to Kindergarten teaching. Young children are notoriously germy and I can’t begin to imagine that they will keep a mask on. Everyone says that eventually every one of us will be infected and we need to increase our immune response so that we can survive it. They are not even sure that if we have it once that we become immune to having it again. My mom reminded me that we need to update our wills before we leave. I know she is right, I’ve said so many times over the past weeks and months as well. Hearing it though tonight made me all the more nervous. I can’t wait to be over on the Malta side but getting from here to there is terrifying and I have great fears of what can happen.
Everyone goes through super rough times in their life, but they generally come in waves. I’m praying this wave is already in progress and not going to get more intense but less. Life has become more fragile to me than ever before. I realize how quickly we could lose it all. I fear for us, for my children, for our animals, for friends, neighbors, teachers, healthcare workers, grocery store workers, everyone. Tomorrow we make our last drive to the south side of town until whenever in our lives we go back for what we put in storage. I pray we make it there and back safely and then I will check that off my fear list of having to drive over an hour through the city back and forth. I will breathe at least a few deeper breaths once we are back here once and for all. You can bet one thing though, I will again be calling the passport agency in the morning and again in the evening as well as checking in with the state reps office to see if there has been any headway since Thursday evening when they forwarded my request to the passport office. I know that everything happens for a reason, but I also believe that we have some Umph built in to each of us that can help direct the winds that blow in the direction of our dreams and destinies. I pleaded with the assistant to the district attorney to help me get a hold of my passport and speed it up. I explained to her that my girls were returned weeks ago and we had applied on the same day back in April. I told her that at this point, everything hinges on my being able to leave with everyone or be stuck back here alone. She sent them a letter with the words EXPIDITE in the subject line. I hope she is effective. I need her to be. I am doing my best not to overplay my hand and drive her nuts and give her the space to make it happen.