Keep or Toss
June 7, 2020
We have three house showings for today. One in the mid-morning and two back to back in the late day. We were also asked by one prospective buyer if we could vacate by July 2. We were not planning to leave until August 5th. This means we would have to go live at my moms for anywhere from two weeks to a month and move up our leaving date. All will be well I keep repeating to myself. All will be well.
This whole thing is by design and I have to stay in the flow of it all, or I will create some sort of disruptive juju that won’t be helpful to any of us. I look around and see the violence, the uncertainty and the blatant disregard for the law. I realize it can’t come soon enough. I don’t belong here anymore. I’ve felt that for a long time, and this time, I’ve been given the exit ramp to go forward into another place. Even still, the devil is in the details and letting all this go is much more difficult than I imagined it would be.
Last night I just felt everything come into me, all the feelings. It was too much. I asked my sweet husband to do what he does with me when there is too much feeling running inside my body. He sits up and I lay against him. He wraps his arms tight around me and then he puts his super hot, healing hands on various parts of me to help me calm and to help our energy mesh. He takes some of my hyper and gives me some of his calm and the energy between us is like water during osmosis. It shifts around until we both can find a settling point. He gets me. I’ve never had a man get me the way that he does. He’s so patient with me and can read me like a book. He knows where I’m at energy wise without my having to say. He’s also my safe space that I am allowed to say when I’m feeling like a tidal wave of energy and emotions are being unleashed inside me. I am a feeler. Much more than he is, I feel things. I have to. His superpower is that he understands things. He keeps perspective but is never dismissive of my feelings or experiences. He is learning to trust my instincts because I come with extremely strong intuition. I am starting to trust his awareness and his even keel on things.
I wish someone else could come in and just deal with things here for us. Pack it up and know instinctively which things I want to keep and which I could toss. Only, you’d need me not to see what you are tossing, otherwise I will be like my children and assume there will be a time when I will need such items and so opt to keep. To keep or toss is a mantra that many follow, especially in Feng shui to determine whether it should stay in your space. The rule of thumb is if you haven’t used it in a year then toss it. Now I’m trying to reverse the model and ask myself, will I be using it a year from now in Malta? Can I replace it from there, will I need to buy this once I’m over there, or will I never think about it again once I’m there? To keep or toss…that is the question.