It Feels Like a Pregnant Pause and Four Negative Test Results Makes For a Sigh of Relief

July 30, 2020

We got the covid results back and all of us are negative. I have to say, I am surprised that all of us tested negative. This is not because I thought any of us had it, but because there has been so much talk about faulty results, I figured with four people taking it, it might be an issue. I am thankful that we are all negative. It knocks down one potential barrier in our travels.

We took Sophie for her final vet check and last paperwork for her yesterday. They said to layer towels in her carrier because she will not be getting out for about a full 24 hour time. As she goes potty we just need to strip the towels and have little baggies ready to put them in to avoid the stench of cat pee. They suspect though with how scared Sophie gets, she likely will not use the restroom in the entirety of the trip. They also had us go to the pet store and buy something called FelAway. You put it on the towels and it calms the cats. We got some. It should be a good help.

We also had to go to FedEx/Kinkos for the daily sending of papers somewhere and our printer and scanner are currently out at sea right now heading toward Malta. Having to go back and forth to Fedex for every little thing reminds me of life before Scott when I always went to Kinkos for any of my printing and scanning needs. Things always break, and we are at the mercy of the workers. We had to overnight the vet papers to the USDA to get her international pet travel application and health certificate approved. The pet shippers will now take care of all of that with the dogs since we will already be gone by their final vetting requirements. Taking care of all the logistics with the animals would be a total disaster without our coordinator. She has been a rock star even if she wasn’t able to secure a flight earlier for them. I will be a total wreck every day that they are not with us waiting for them to arrive. Even as I sit to write this, the USDA was kind enough to call to let me know that I did not include the payment. Thankfully they took my card over the phone. Another lucky little extra is that I know my card information by heart and could give it to them quickly.  It’s always something and some of it is just sheer speed and missteps in my haste.

Yesterday I was a guest on the Ask Dr. Dream Show on the Unity Radio network. It was awesome. I said something in it that made me think it was worthy of noting here as well. I’ve mentioned that right now it feels so similar to being pregnant and in the third trimester. The countdown and suspense is really exhausting and I find myself napping at some point of each day. I don’t sleep well at night but this is not something new. There is less than a week left until we leave and the countdown feels almost painful. I am so ready to get on that plane and set this thing into full throttle. Right now while getting our last minute things accomplished, it feels as though I’m not just sitting in the pause anymore, but now it is the pregnant pause. It is so full and building so much new life and I can’t quite reach that new life just yet, but it’s so close I can almost taste it. It’s overwhelming and I wake in panic at the reality of just how far away we are really going. All of the comforts I know about home will be totally removed and I will have to get used to so many new normals, and I don’t even know  yet what any of  those are. Everything will be different and I can choose whether I find that different to be good different or polarizing different. I am aware more than any time in my life just how important my attitude will be in every single aspect of this journey. We are not going on a vacation to Malta, we are going to make our home and our life in Malta. This thrills me and terrifies me. Spending years dreaming of doing something exactly like this is so much different than spending months actually preparing for its reality.

People talk about writing a book like having a baby. Some people find that offensive while others totally agree. First of all, I will say that ‘writing’ a book is not nearly the same thing as getting the book published. Writing the book is the fun part. It’s the trying to get pregnant part. Tons of people have written books,  or started to write their books, but they are not in print anywhere. Publishing a book takes a very long time and you do grow a new life within yourself to present to the world. Birthing a book is real. It’s the real process of bringing your ideas and your relentless hard work all the way through you and out for all the world to see. It is a long labor, and requires all of your attention and effort to pull it out. No book that is published, bloomed and released without some kicks and struggles. Those that haven’t gotten a book published can’t really understand just how difficult it really is. They aren’t supposed to understand all the ins and outs and nightmares of editing and creating.  Just the way I can’t begin to understand the process of writing and then recording and releasing a song, or a movie. I can’t begin to imagine the nightmare that is getting a movie written, picked up, and produced. In the end, it is supposed to look like it was easy. Sometimes I feel like my being home with my children and writing books at the same time is looked at as sort of a hobby and not as a career filled with an insane amount of effort and work. It is a birthing process and takes all we’ve got to make it happen. Luckily these days I have a team that helps support the process and turns it into a reality. This does not actually minimize the effort and the work; it simply guarantees that you have a team that will ensure that your contract and promise will be honored and your book will in fact be birthed and published. It’s having people that keep you accountable and tied to the deadlines and staying in line with each due date.

I bring this up because in preparing for this giant life changing move, it feels like I’m preparing for the birth of a new life. Except right now, just five days away, I still can’t see the baby yet. Each day feels both super long and also as if they are flying by. Time has been playing strange and funny tricks on me. I’m in the pregnant pause, and it’s excruciatingly beautiful. Every day is working toward solidifying some loose end or paper work that has to get done before we leave. I am preparing for a life ahead that I know nothing about. That is so exciting and so scary! It feels like it did when I was pregnant and just hoping to love this baby beyond what I could imagine. Then the moment that they laid both of my babies on me, my heart did grow three sizes, and my lioness protective instincts grew even more than that!

Immediately my entire world became a set of colors that I had never  seen before. Every lens I looked through became full spectrums of color. It was like the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy walking into technicolor for the first time. That was the real process of birthing. Everything changed in an instant, but before it happened, I couldn’t imagine it. I feel that way now. I am less than one week from arriving into a new color and lens of living, but until I get there, I can’t imagine it. I can only imagine and hope and dream. Now just five days away from boarding the plane and basically two days of travel and I will arrive in a place surrounded by one of the dreamiest bodies of water in all of the world. I will eat the food that people only dream about trying. I will breathe the air that I feel like my soul has spent a lifetime trying to find. And I pray…I pray all day and all night that I fall in love beyond what I can imagine right now. I pray that it nourishes my soul and feeds my children’s sense of wonder and love of learning. I pray it supports my husband and his company well. I pray that we are all safe and satiated at the goodness and offerings of our life there. I pray that we are safe and protected and of course that my pets will all be protected and arrive safely. I also know that in this new labor of love and of life, I will have to be a very active participant in what we all create with it. I am up to that challenge. I am ready to make a new life for our family and find the best opportunities to support us as we go.

So today, I enjoy the pause in the moments that they are provided. It’s all I can do. I have to step into the waves and ride them as they come.

2 Thoughts to “It Feels Like a Pregnant Pause and Four Negative Test Results Makes For a Sigh of Relief”

  1. Margherita

    Dai, ci siete quasi…. il mediterraneo vi aspetta🥰

    1. So close I can finally almost taste it!!! Yes! So close! Thank you!

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