Buying is More Fun Than Selling

June 2020

Getting to leave the country is something I’ve wanted for a long time, but having the actual opportunity to leave is something else entirely. We are so fortunate that the country of Malta is welcoming us and providing us with the proper paper work to make this dream a reality. We could not have just up and moved anywhere at any other point in our history. We don’t have the luxury of moving just because you are not happy somewhere, especially when discussing international moves. That is why for a long time I had focused on moving to the Caribbean islands that were American owned. Dealing with paper work, citizenship options, moving away just because the wife feels stuck and compressed is not enough of a reason, especially when it’s not just the family who lives in your home that you have to consider in every decision.

It’s a huge deal that this opportunity has presented itself to us, and in this case, the fear of staying stuck in the same small place is just not enough to embrace the bravery required of me to step out into something entirely new and unknown. This is my biggest act of bravery I have ever been called to accept. I am usually such a creature of habit and making changes can be difficult for me. But in this case and where I’ve been mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually makes me know that it is just what I’ve needed. I look at people who absolutely love where they live and I feel jealous. I have not experienced that since possibly high school myself. None of the places I’ve chosen to live since that time were by choice and opportunity. Even though I have lived in four other states since high school, every one of them was by default as my only option. I never had the budget, the skills or the courage to go anywhere I dreamed of going. Not that Malta has been on my dream list, but being by the sea, and living in a GMO free country has dominated my dream list for many years.

June 6, 2020

Buying is a lot more fun than selling.

I have had a house sell that I lived in, but I am not going to lie, I pretty much made my husband do all the dirty work. He was not about to let me do that to him again. So, my skin is in this game and the stakes feel really high to get this house sold quickly. The house is large and looks incredible when it’s clean. That is a very difficult feat to have all four children and all four pets in the house and keeping it spotless in order for people to pop in with just a little heads up that they will be walking through the house. We listed the house on Thursday and we have had a total of 9 showings from Friday to Sunday. I am praying hard that someone likes it. The feedback stings a little bit. One person said they could smell the animal smells in the basement, so my husband was up late steam cleaning all the carpets. I was up early mopping all the floors and then going through books and everything we own to donate into a neighborhood garage sale which ended up giving us a grand total of $110 for bikes, kitchen wares, books, things that in every day life, we would not be giving up. The rest will go to Good Will.

I had this thought watching on our nest video camera as people walk inside our home, some wearing masks because of the Covid-19 virus and others not thinking much of it and coming right inside our home spreading their germs to rest and wait for us to come back in and pick up. It is a very stressful time with this virus. Our President originally referred to it as a “hoax” and several people, especially his loyal followers have never gotten past that sentiment as more than 100,000 have died in this country from it, we still march around totally entitled and mask-less. Now the riots have broken out. There were and still are peaceful protests in the streets and the President invoked the military and police force to gas them, shoot them with rubber bullets and take what was a peaceful rally and turn it into utter chaos.

Everywhere outside my door is chaos. I drove through the city to get to my mom’s house today with all the kids and all the animals so that people could see the house all day. I was fearful going through the city. Not only that, but I realized that once upon a time I loved this country and could not imagine living any place else. Now I dream about running away from the poisons that we put on our foods, the chaos in the streets, the racism and violent behavior. It feels like hate all around us. Everyone is fighting over politics and I’m included in that fight. I can’t wait to fall in love with my new home. It is scary but I keep remembering that this act is calling on me to be brave. Brave to give my children a better education, a safer school experience, a better life and a much healthier lifestyle. We still have not booked our plane tickets and now I feel we might wait and see if we get a bid on the house and base it on the closing dates.

The schools in Malta are still asking for high dollar amounts as a donation (none of which are refundable) but not guaranteeing us any spots closer on the wait list. I realize that corruption exists everywhere and I pray that I don’t see it too heavily in Malta. I don’t actually think there is a safe space to go in the world that will keep the animosity away. I think we are in the eye of a storm of major transitions and shifting of Mother Earth right now and where we are will present with a different set of challenges based on the location. I’ve said it before and I will repeat it for effect, I know that I am writing this during a major point in history. We are in the middle of a major health crises. People are dying both from the virus and from the hands of violence and racial profiling. I have become so much less social being in lockdown since March. I went to the post office the other day and I found myself being afraid. It does not feel like America anymore. For that, in many ways, that can be a good thing. For now though, it feels like fear.

I know that I don’t fit here anymore and I have no idea how we will all fit over there. It’s a place of limbo even though today, in this moment, I am still living in my beautiful southern Georgia home. Only with slightly less stuff. We still have a long, long way to go on getting it down much further. All of this is overwhelming. I am trying to take it one day at a time. When that feels overwhelming, I try to take it one step at a time, one moment at a time. Most of all, I try my hardest to be as present and as positive to my children as I possibly can.

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